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Life in a Flash

This week has truly been a week of reflection for me. On the way home today, I noticed a bed a flowers that I've never seen. Why, have I not ever noticed them? They are so apparent.  Normally, I am in a rush to come and go , and I am sure I've missed more than a bed of flowers in my path. If I am not too busy reading emails or updating my Facebook status, I am in daze thinking about the million and one "to-do" items I have on my agenda for the day. Why do I take myself through this? Why must I pile my plate so high, that taking another bite sickens me and the thought of another bite makes me anxious? Yet, due to my glutonous ways, I continue to pile. I am the textbook case of a workaholic. Seriously, I should be standing in a room of people and saying

"Hi, I am Krystal I am workaholic, and have been since the age of 16."

Yes, my problem started that early. In fact I am almost inclined to believe that it may have started before the age of 16. Let's see at the age of sixteen ( a junior in high school), I belonged to the Beta Club, took a full load of honors and AP classes, in marching band, a yearbook editor, a part of CCGM (worked as a teachers aide 1/2 a day at an elementary school, and finally worked full time as a master trainer for the restaurant. Which, at times kept me working until after midnight. (Much to the disapproval to my mother). Who gets in trouble for working too much and doing too much at school? By my senior year ( 17 year old)  in high school, I was a manager at that same restaurant and added color guard to my list of activities. Sounds crazy huh? But, what will really amaze you is to me that sound normal, in fact I am sitting here doubting as to whether or not that my load was really a significant load to carry. I know, I am that  bad! In fact, I may be leaving other things out.

I wasn't working because I had to help my mother pay the bills or anything. I just loved the idea of independence. I didn't have credit cards or anything to pay. The most that I had to pay for was gas (which it was about the time gas ranged from ninety seven cents to 1 dollar) or cd's. That's it. So I really don't know why I worked so hard. In fact I tried to get a job at fifteen and was upset that I couldn't find work. But the key point is that I didn't have to work that hard.

So, fast forward to my life now, I now carry the responsibility of being a wife, a step mother, I serve on 6 committees and 2 of which I am the chair in charge, the president of a developing non profit organization, owner/ceo/president of 2 other companies I've started, full time student ( that strives to make nothing less than A's ), ohhh..and I work full time as  an orthopedic analyst.  Which alone could require 40 plus hours of my time. Still yet to me , it doesn't sound like too much. In fact I want to add full time writer and blogger to that list. Which the only thing holding me back is the time and the clear mind to do so.

Speaking of writing, I love to write. Its one of my many passions, but here lately I feel that I haven't been as genuine in my writings. Which may be a result of my jam packed schedule and the lack of clarity of my mind when I chose to write at 10 pm or later.  I mean I used to spend hours writing poems which, I feel were written in my 'prime'. Although, I haven't changed, I feel my writing has. And it almost feels as though I am trying to hold onto my prowess for writing as though I am trying to hold on to a fist full of sand. ( Almost impossible to do).

I use this blog as a type of therapy at times, and more often than not I leave or fall asleep most often ( because I write so lately at night ) feeling enlightened. Its almost feels as though I am rediscovering me by writing about me. Ironic, yes this I know.

Like today for instance, or this week for this matter, I've been having the thought lingering that perhaps I should give myself a break and cut out one of the major activities that consumes a majority of my time. Work and school, and the latter is not an option to cut. I love learning and education is an insatiable thirst that I don't will ever be quenched. Nor do I want  my thirst to be  ever satified. I love it way too much and when I learn something new, its as if it 'tickles me pink from head to toe'. I get so excited that I can't wait to either teach or apply it. So that leaves work on the chopping block, which financially I can not fathom doing. I get a great deal of satisfaction out of what I do at times. I love presentations and helping people when I can. Plus I get paid well, and I can't thank God enough for the blessing that He's bestowed upon me. So where do I go? Do I have FAITH and do what the voice is telling me ? Or do I continue to miss the little things that I am in too much of a rush to see? Do I allow my life to continue to by in a flash?!

Hmm.. What do you think?


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