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Questioning God

Are you sure God?

Soo.. I woke up at 3:37 this morning and these are my thoughts.

Why do we question God as though we have all of the answers? I am guilty of this myself. I would consider myself to be pretty obedient, however I am very stubborn. So stubborn that I get in my own way. Especially when it comes down to apologizing or admitting when I am wrong at times. Generally, I have no problem saying that I messed up or even that I am sorry, but there are situations when it would almost take God himself to come down and force me to apologize. I am not sure even sure that this will make sense to everyone, but people that really know me know that to be true about me. Now, having said that I recognize one of my imperfections but yet when God puts it on my heart to rectify my behavior I question Him. It similar to how a child beckons and pleads with their parents over something that they don't want to do.

Why should I have to  say sorry? They were wrong to you know, besides I just don't FEEL as though I should say anything. Well right now anyway. Its is sad and disturbing to air these feelings aloud, but when I go against what my heart is convicted to do, this is exactly what I am telling Him.  I know it sounds  horrible right? What would you do if your child told you that they did not FEEL like cleaning up the room or taking out the trash? There are other situations in which I question God when I shouldn't.   In fact the next reason is my original thought for this post, God just led me to discuss the other situation.
You have probably read before in my blog that God has laid a very unique ( to me) task for me to complete.  The way in which he revealed this task to me was very loud and clear and I know it was no one but God at that moment. In retrospect, I am thankful and honored that He took the time to speak to me.  His love for us is awesome. :) You never have to  ask for it, and He is never too busy for you. But, how often is it that we are too busy for Him? In fact, I learned in bible study a few weeks ago that God also wants us to tithe our time as well. 10% of each day. Which I figure to be about 2.4 hours. Initially to some it may sound like a lot but it really isn't considering all of the other things in life that we find  time  for. So that I don't sway to another topic, I will save my thoughts on this for another time.

So back to my epiphany revealed by God. Even after my experience, I still procrastinate and unfortunately question and bargain with Him. I am about to share with you are my real thoughts and conversations that I have had with Him and although it scares me to share my intimate thoughts with you, I am feeling a conviction to do so.

I want you to write... 
Are you sure? I am not the best writer. People may not like my writing.I WILL run out of things to write about. I could be made fun of or people may question my intelligence. Besides,  I may run out of things to write about and ultimately fail. I am not sure that I will be a successful writer. After all there are thousands of writers and I am not sure that I will make enough money to support myself doing that. Maybe I'll focus on the job that provides for me now.. and I'll squeeze writing in when I can. 
I want you to mentor.. 
How could I possibly mentor and my life is not together? I am not whole yet. People may question my credibility and my ability to mentor. So now not yet. Plus I could never be organized or committed enough to do it. Plus, my favorite show comes on these days.. and I want time to relax and unwind from the stressful job that I have now.

I want you to teach
I don't know everything.

I want you to inspire women
Are you sure, that seem like a huge task. I am not sure that I am the one that should be doing that. I am not confident enough in my ablilites, yes I know that I have been told that I light up when I present and when speak, but there are people far more talented than myself. .. when I get I feel comfortable with my financial situation, I will focus on what you want me to do.

What if I fail?I have absolutely no faith in you.  What if I fail?I have no faith in you .What if I fail?I have a little faith in you. What if I fail? I have more faith in you.What if I fail? I have a little more faith in you. What if I fail? I have more of my FAITH in you. What if I fail? I  SHOULD HAVE ALL OF MY FAITH IN YOU!  
The above demonstrates the cycle that my heart goes through each time I question God. It is almost like you see in the cartoons when you have a devil on one of your shoulders and an angel on the other. I go back and forth. I would love to say that the fear of failing does get smaller and my Faith indeed grows more all of the time , but I am not there yet. In fact I know that FEAR is not something that comes from God. II Timothy 1:7  states "For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind.". So why should I be afraid? The bible clearly states that he did not give us the spirit of FEAR.
So essentially I should be saying,

Although I feel as though I've failed or failing in my own eyes, in His eyes I am not ; for I am following the instructions and remaining obedient to my Father.

Renew your faith in yourself and in God. Don't allow self doubt and fear, both traits of the enemy to steal your blessings.If God tells you to let something go, do it. If He tells you to do something do it. Without question or hesitation. Don't rely on how you feel either.  Remember we only have one life to live, which ultimately affects where we spend our eternity.  There is a quote that asks What would you do in life if you knew that you could not fail? I challenge you now by asking this question. What more could you accomplish in life with God knowing that He will not fail ?

I thank you for reading my blog. Feel free to comment and /or ask questions.
I pray that this message touched someone somewhere! :)

Be Blessed and Make the decision to make it a GREAT one!


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