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Truth and Vulnerability

I read a blog last week about vulnerability . As a read the blog, I was inspired to think deeper about what it truly means to me to be vulnerable. My first thought was that I hate it.If anyone reading this  truly knows me,  they know that I can be a control freak and not knowing the unknown drives me nuts at times. I. HATE. BEING. VULNERABLE!  Being vulnerable allows you to fall head over heels in love, but it also leaves you open to heartache and heart break. Being vulnerable sometimes feels as though you are allowing  other people or other things to have control over you and your actions. Being vulnerable can also feel as though you are being submissive. But submissive to what? Think about it. The TRUTH! The truth in the reality of a situation.  The more that I thought about vulnerability and its meaning, I began to relate the ablility to be honest with being vulnerable. The more honest that we can be with ourselves and others, directly correlates with your comfort level with being vulnerable.  Being vulnerable also allows you to be honest with others and flees from the fear of their reaction. Being vulnerable allows you to succomb to your emotions in their most raw state. I'm not talking about the sugar coated derived emotions that exist after you "should/ shouldn't" your self to death. -- I shouldn't be sad, I should be happy-- I'm talking about the emotions that hit you in the throat and forms a ball of honesty  that makes you feel as though you swallowed a huge rock. I'm talking about the emotions, thoughts and feelings that surface before you can swallow the truth and convince yourself of the "false/derived" emotions that follow are true. (Hope I didn't lose you-- smile)
There aren't many people that can honestly say that they are 100% honest with themselves and others at all times. Think about it. An  example is a spouse who is  caught cheating on the other spouse. One excuse that they may use is that they were afraid to tell the other spouse how they really felt, and that they didn't want to hurt the other person.  ( At least that's what they say on "Cheaters" when Joey Grecko asks them why they did it). But in reality it is not about the sparing the spouse's feelings at all. It is  the lack of comfort with being vulnerable enough to  allow yourself to be honest to admit the 100% raw uncut truth. The truth could be that the cheating spouse is  feeling insecure and by the time they sugar coat their true emotions, they genuinely feel that they are lacking a degree of satisfaction or happiness from their spouse and in turn, they go and seek happiness with someone else. ( I know that this was a long example but I hope you get my point)

My challenge to myself and others is to get "ok" with being vulnerable. Challenge yourself to do things that make you uncomfortable, get comfortable with being uncomfortable. Dig deep and explore your emotions. Allow yourself to have that pity party, for a brief moment anyway. Listen to your thoughts and become more conscious of what you are telling yourself all day. Keep track of all the emotions that you talk yourself out of each day. Question those.  Allow you to become vulnerable and transparent to you.


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