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Fun at the Patch

Fall is  my absolute favorite season of the year. I love that the time “falls” back,  the changing leaves and the fresh, crisp air. 

Needless to say, I had been looking forward to going to a pumpkin patch for months. And I was especially excited because  this is my daughter's first fall and her first visit to a pumpkin patch. We had a good time. I cannot wait until next year when my little one can really enjoy the activities at the pumpkin patch. They had hay rides, a mini Ferris wheel (so adorable), a petting zoo, bounce houses and pony rides. 

And the best part of the day, my daughter's first pumpkin! 

I would love to see your pics from your visits to the pumpkin patch! 

Diapers : A stinky situation.

I never put too much thought into diapers while I was pregnant. I did do some research on cloth diaper options a few times, but with so much information out there about cloth coupled with me being so indecisive, by the time my daughter arrived I still hadn't made up my mind. I went with what I thought was the next best option , any disposable diaper with "Sensitive" or "Free" on the label. I even swore that I loved the brand that the hospital used and sent me home with. But, that "love" turned sour when I bought my first package of the same diaper on my own and got a whiff of the heavy perfume smell. Seriously the smell gave me headache. I can only imagine what it did to my daughter's nose, lungs and body. ( I know it sounds dramatic). And a part of me felt I was being overly dramatic, so I kept my concerns to myself and silent and decided to do my best to allow the perfume smell to air out before I used the diapers, after all the diapers are concentrated in one tight package , the smell would be overwhelming right?

Happy ending to my TTC journey....

I got inspired to write this as I put my daughter to bed tonight. She truly amazes me. She is so smart and I feel as though she learns something different every day. So far  this week she's started to sleep through the night, flip over from her belly to her back with ease and its just Tuesday. I imagine that she'll be crawling by Friday and she's 4 1/2 months old. ( j/k... I'm soooo not ready for that).  She's so funny and her smile ,giggles and babbling make my mornings brighter and my evenings sweeter. ( Hubby does too.. but this post isn't about him. :) )

I am so thankful for her and I praise God each and every day that I am blessed with her presence. I felt the need to share my story tonight. I know how hard it is to struggle with infertility, so  I hope that my story inspires someone to keep the faith and continue on their journey.

In June of 2008 I was diagnosed with uterine fibroids.  My doctor advised me that if I wanted to have children that I should do so by the age of 30. ( At the time I was 27). We were about a year away from our wedding, so we decided to start trying after we were married. In May of 2009 I stopped taking birth control in hopes that my body would readjust and be ready to start trying to conceive in September after our wedding.

After trying for nearly a year, we finally saw a reproductive endocrinologist (RE) to see if the fibroids were culprit with us not being able to conceive. He suggested clomid and explained how that would boost our chance of getting pregnant, but at the time it was way too much money for the IUI and I ultimately I felt that it was too soon to go forward with treatments. THERE HAD TO BE ANOTHER OPTION.

Time continued to progress and I looked for natural alternatives to help me conceive. Later that year  my ob/gyn suggested that I have an HSG to see if I had an other factors that would not allow me to conceive. The HSG came back with good results and there were not any other issues that prevented me from conceiving. My ob/gyn referred me to another RE. That RE diagnosed me with ovarian cysts and polycystic ovarian syndrome (PCOS) and that opened up another dynamic in why it had been so hard for us to conceive. We decided to go ahead with a round of  Clomid in May 2011. The Clomid did not work, so we took a break to save and decided to give it another six months.

In January 2012 we tried another round of Clomid plus a HSG trigger shot and an IUI to conceive. It was unsuccessful. This was a very frustrating and trying time for me.  On one hand it felt like all those around me who weren't trying were able to conceive and I secretly struggled. I was able confide with a few friends, but for the most part I didn't talk about my struggle.

After our failed IUI in January, my husband and I decided to wait six months. And I used the time to get in better shape and work to lose weight to control my PCOS and hopefully conceive on our own with out drugs or at the very least increase our chances with the drugs.  I used this time to really seek God  and lean on my faith. I got to the point that I had prayed for a child for so long and so much, that I began to accept the fact and pray to God that if it wasn't in His will for me to have a child that I would still be happy. There was a part of me that was still hopeful because there had been occasions were I felt that God revealed to me that I would have a child in my dreams.

In May of 2012, I remember shopping and while I was in the store I got the urge to purchase something to show my faith that I would conceive soon. I ended up buying 2 picture frames ( one pink and one blue) for an ultrasound picture. In that same trip I almost purchased a pajama set that had "Kiss me I'm Pregnant" on the front. I imagined that if I purchased the pajamas that it would be the way that I would reveal my pregnancy to my husband. I ultimately decided against the pajamas, but purchased the 2 picture frames. ( I didn't know that I was already pregnant at the time!!)

 A week later I went to Target to shop for my cousin's baby shower and although I was happy for them,  a familiar feeling came over me. The feeling that I felt after every negative pregnancy test, every Mother's Day passed that I wasn't pregnant or a mother, and each time I celebrated someone else's pregnancy. Its a hard feeling to describe, but its a longing that every woman or couple that has tried to conceive can attest to feeling.
I remember that day in Target vividly. I wanted to buy the cute outfit for my baby. I wondered when it would be my turn.

Little did I know that in 4 days, I would get the surprise that would change my life. I went home not feeling well in June 2012. I figured it was the eggs that I had eaten that morning.  My cycle was over a week late, but that was not out of the norm for me. I figured that my recent weight loss triggered my monthly cycle to get out of sync again. I remember getting the strange urge to take another pregnancy test. A part of me didn't want to waste yet another test on another failed cycle, but something just told me to take it.

I took it and forgot about it. And I actually didn't remember that I left the pregnancy test in the bathroom until I had to use the restroom again. Needless to say when I saw the test I was shocked. In fact,   I almost threw it away without looking, but imagine my surprise when I saw this..

 I know the line is very faint, and hard to see. But it was there. I was scared shocked and nervous. I couldn't even call my husband who was at work. I just drove to his job with the test in hand. I was shaking the entire time. I was in utter disbelief.

Needless to say, my husband was just as shocked as I was and wanted me to take another test just to make sure that the faint line actually indicated a positive pregnancy test. ( I knew it did, but just to see it again  I obliged)

 And within seconds of taking the test this appeared..

We decided to go ahead and share the news with our parents right away. We sent them a picture of the positive pregnancy test and waited for the calls to come in. :)

I was ecstatic the entire pregnancy. It was surreal to see her first ultrasound picture. And to hear her heartbeat for the first time was the best birthday gift that I could have asked for last year. My heart fluttered when I felt her flutter around in my belly for the first time. The whole experience of being pregnant was amazing.

Although, my pregnancy was not easy, I wouldn't have had it any other way because I have my blessing from it.

Being a parent is one of the most precious gifts and tasks that God has blessed me with. I am constantly thankful and honored to have this beautiful gift. I am grateful that my prayers were answered and I couldn't have asked for anything more perfect than my baby girl. I am happy to have her as an addition to our family and her arrival was the perfect ending to a very difficult story.

Here is my testimony....

A few of my favorite pictures of her... :) 

And I hope and pray that someone is encouraged by this.

Ahh.. the baby weight

I am about 4 months postpartum, and its time for me to get serious about getting back in shape.

The good  is that I only gained about roughly about 25 pounds total during my entire pregnancy.    I lost all of the weight that I gained during my pregnancy by 3 or 4 weeks postpartum. Breastfeeding works wonders for your body! The bad is that my entire body composition has changed. Because I was inactive for so long because of bed rest and modified bed rest throughout my pregnancy, I lost a lot of my muscle mass. I am a little smaller than I was pre-pregnancy, but I am carrying more body fat.   The really ugly is that I've since put on 5 pounds since I've returned back to work about 2 months ago. I have also picked up a nasty sugar habit. I snack on cookies, candies and even sodas more often. Horrible! My water consumption is down and I definitely don't eat all of the recommended veggies that I should. I eat waaaaay too much fast food and my overall diet is out of whack! Which is why I believe that the pounds are creeping back on me despite the fact that I continue to breastfed. (BOOOO!)  I must admit that I felt as though that breastfeeding gave me the right and the freedom to indulge all that I wanted. ( I know.. I was living in a fantasy).
Now, that the scale has brought me back to reality ( and the fact that my pre-pregnancy clothes that were TOO BIG a few months ago are now starting to fit) made me realize that its time to change.

So what is my goal? My goal is to lose 45, ideally 55 pounds. Truth be told, I was in the process of losing weight that I had put on over the years when I got pregnant. I was 5 pounds lighter than my pre-pregnancy weight before I returned to work. However, I believe the stress of having to return to work at eight weeks postpartum and being away from my daughter caused me to stress and stress eat. I also believe that the lack of sleep makes me crave sweets as a pick me up and a comforter. I will admit that I have poor eating habits and I use sweets and other processed food as stress reliever. I recognize that I have to limit stop eating  processed food, fast food and the sweets. I also recognize that I have to get active and work out again. I know that I can't become the gym rat that I once was, but I have to make the time to spend 1/2 hour to an hour a few times a week to get back in shape. ( Minus the guilt of being away from my daughter)

I know that change does not happen overnight, but my plan is to take it day by day. I will start planning my meals for my family each week and I will schedule time for me to work out. I will work to break the habit of me going to sugar to deal with my stress and emotions and find another way to cope.

I won't calorie count or go on a fad diet, I plan to make a lifestyle change.

I plan to update my progress each week.

Tomorrow is day 1! :)  .......... I've already eaten a handful of cookies today :/


Be Gentle...

Be gentle, free, honest, and forgiving of yourself.
Do not handle yourself so rough.
Don't say harsh things to or about yourself.
Monitor your thoughts, guard your mind and your tongue.
Think about this , when you hear God speak to your heart, is it ever loud and harsh?
Think about what it would be like to be in Jesus' presence. Be in that presence always, because He is always with you. Love your self enough to be gentle.
Be free.
You define you, don't let others opinions do it for you. For you'll never know you. Get to know your heart, allow it to be open to Him. Because He knows and knew you better and before anyone did. Seek things that delight and give you joy all in His name. Love yourself enough to free yourself.
Tell the truth. If it isn't right in your heart, don't ignore or be little it. Be honest. Don't allow the lies of others become the truth for you. Be honest with others, lies always hurt more than the truth ever will. Love enough to tell the truth.
Forgive yourself. He already did. Don't be so hard on yourself. Remember to be gentle and kind to yourself. Free yourself from the lack of forgiveness of yourself and others. Be honest to know when you haven't forgiven.

All those things contribute to one thing love. The Bible instructs us to love ourselves and one another. And Jesus was given to us to demonstrate love. Remember be gentle, free, honest, and forgiving.

Mommy Time

It's 7:07 a.m. on a Monday morning and for the first time postpartum, I have been able to take an uninterrupted shower. I was not able to sleep after my baby girl's 4:45 feeding and I decided to go ahead and take a moment to shower. It felt good to have a moment to myself without feeling guilty or anxious about my baby girl crying or whining. My experience this morning helped me realize that per haps my husband is right about me needing to take a moment to myself. I am still adjusting to being a new mom and I haven't learned to juggle my responsibilities just yet. Plus I find it extremely difficult to not hold her and stare at her while she sleeps. I now realize that  it is very important for me to take the moments to myself, and that I shouldn't feel so guilty about needing a moment. I have been so consumed with the idea of trying to be the perfect mom & wife, I forgot that I am only human and that there is no such thing as perfection.

My experience this morning, though it may be a small task, felt really rewarding and refreshing!




Was one of the best days of my life. That is the day that I gave birth to my beautiful daughter.  She is truly a blessing after our long TTC journey.

This week was her sixth week.   She changes everyday and she grows so fast, which makes me sad and proud at the same time. I am afraid that if I blink that I will miss something. She is so smart and she definitely has her own personality and preferences at just six weeks old. I am excited to watch her grow and watch her develop as a person.

When I found out that I was pregnant, my plan was to blog each week to document my pregnancy. But, my pregnancy quickly reminded me that life doesn't always go as planned. I still plan to write a blog about my pregnancy soon. But, for now I just want to share my labor&delivery story.

  • I checked in to be induced at 8 a.m. that morning. My pregnancy was high-risk and I had to be induced at 38weeks. 
  • When I arrived at the hospital an IV was started and I received medicine to ripen my cervix and start my contractions. 
  • I labored the entire day & by the end of the day I had dilated 5cm.
  • I spent the day surrounded by family, friends and laughter. 
  • At the end of the day I was anxious for my water to break and get to the point where I could push. I was ready to meet my princess and eat something other than popsicles and ice chips. 
  • I decided to get the dreaded epidural at 4 a.m. in order to get some rest. I was more afraid of the pain associated with getting and epidural than I was of a natural birth.  In fact, if I would have had it my way, I would have had a natural birth; but my pregnancy taught me that things don't always go as planned. 
  • By the time that my doctor arrived at 10 a.m., I think I had dilated to about a 6cm. My doctor went ahead and broke my water.
  • I continued to labor throughout the day, and by 7 p.m. I was only dilated to 7 - 7.5 cm. By this time both my doctor and labor & delivery nurse decided that it was time for me to discuss my options. I had been in labor for over 24 hours and my uterus was tired. I physically and mentally tired. Ultimately I felt defeated at the possibility of having a c-section. I didn't want my baby girl to start to show signs of distress, she had been a trooper thus far. 
  • My husband and I had a tear-filled intimate converstation about our options and we decided to go with the c-section. I was tired. He was tired of seeing me exhausted and we were ready to meet our princess. 
  • We decided to have the c-section at 7 p.m. and the next 45 minutes of my life felt like a movie. There were so many people and things were moving so fast, yet so slow. It was very cold and bright in the room. I was being poked and prodded everywhere. I was taken back by the amount of people in the room and all of the orders and voices of the staff made my head spin. I just wanted a second to think and process a little longer about what was about to happen. I was so scared and jumpy. I remember pulling my oxygen line off of my nose a few times, I was bothered by it and at that point it was all I could control. Reality hit, I was about to have major surgery. I turned to my husband, and I was reassured by his love, words and encouragement. 
  • I don't know if it was the drugs or the temperature in the room, but I remember shaking and shivering tremendously. I felt the scrub techs clean and shave me. (Although I thought I did a pretty good job the night before I was admitted in the hospital) . I felt tugging, it felt almost the same as it did when they were cleaning my abdomen, and before I knew it I heard my doctor tell my husband to stand and that she was almost out. 
  • I remember my doctor announcing that she was here. Because of the drugs I wasn't  lucid, but I do remember anxiously waiting to hear her cry. When I heard her cry for the first time, it took my breath away. 

  • My baby girl  arrived at 7:45 p.m. and weighed 5lbs 15ozs and was 18'' long. 

  • I was not able to  see her right away, but I was happy that my husband was there to sing, talk and hold her. And he got really good footage and pictures. I was so proud of him. 
  • After what seemed like an eternity, they finally brought her to me. She looked like a little doll. As she laid on my chest she smacked and sucked on her hands and fingers and I fell in love with her again. 
  • As I lay in recovery, my princess and I had our time to bond skin to skin and breastfeed. I allowed the some of the remaining guest waiting in the lobby to come in a visit.
  • January 26, 2013 was one of the best days of my life. 
  • The rest of our hospital visit went smoothly, we were able to leave after 3 days.
My experience with both trying to conceive and my pregnancy taught me that you have to be open and that you can't plan everything. So, I didn't have an official birth plan. I went in with an open mind when it came to drugs and my overall experience. In my heart I wanted a natural experience with the least amount of medical intervention as possible. But, with having a high-risk pregnancy, I knew that the likely hood of having a natural experience was slim to none. The most important thing to me was to have a healthy baby that I could take home with me. 

Ultimately, my birth experience was perfect. My baby girl came into the world healthy and I had exceptional care with my doctor and labor&delivery nurses. I couldn't have asked for a better team. The support of my husband, family and friends made my labor easier. Their presence made the day full of love and laughter. 

I thank God everyday and night for the precious gift of a little girl that I was given. I feel honored and overwhelmed with joy with that He answered the prayers of me and my family. I find myself staring at her in amazement and I am intrigued at how much she has changed. 

My labor and delivery story wasn't the story that I envisioned, but I wouldn't change it for the world because it is our story that brought us our miracle.
Minutes after she was born.

First glimpse of her eyes
Her first smile caught on camera

Steak & Lobster Celebration dinner provided by the hospital