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Diapers : A stinky situation.

I never put too much thought into diapers while I was pregnant. I did do some research on cloth diaper options a few times, but with so much information out there about cloth coupled with me being so indecisive, by the time my daughter arrived I still hadn't made up my mind. I went with what I thought was the next best option , any disposable diaper with "Sensitive" or "Free" on the label. I even swore that I loved the brand that the hospital used and sent me home with. But, that "love" turned sour when I bought my first package of the same diaper on my own and got a whiff of the heavy perfume smell. Seriously the smell gave me headache. I can only imagine what it did to my daughter's nose, lungs and body. ( I know it sounds dramatic). And a part of me felt I was being overly dramatic, so I kept my concerns to myself and silent and decided to do my best to allow the perfume smell to air out before I used the diapers, after all the diapers are concentrated in one tight package , the smell would be overwhelming right?

Happy ending to my TTC journey....

I got inspired to write this as I put my daughter to bed tonight. She truly amazes me. She is so smart and I feel as though she learns something different every day. So far  this week she's started to sleep through the night, flip over from her belly to her back with ease and its just Tuesday. I imagine that she'll be crawling by Friday and she's 4 1/2 months old. ( j/k... I'm soooo not ready for that).  She's so funny and her smile ,giggles and babbling make my mornings brighter and my evenings sweeter. ( Hubby does too.. but this post isn't about him. :) )

I am so thankful for her and I praise God each and every day that I am blessed with her presence. I felt the need to share my story tonight. I know how hard it is to struggle with infertility, so  I hope that my story inspires someone to keep the faith and continue on their journey.

In June of 2008 I was diagnosed with uterine fibroids.  My doctor advised me that if I wanted to have children that I should do so by the age of 30. ( At the time I was 27). We were about a year away from our wedding, so we decided to start trying after we were married. In May of 2009 I stopped taking birth control in hopes that my body would readjust and be ready to start trying to conceive in September after our wedding.

After trying for nearly a year, we finally saw a reproductive endocrinologist (RE) to see if the fibroids were culprit with us not being able to conceive. He suggested clomid and explained how that would boost our chance of getting pregnant, but at the time it was way too much money for the IUI and I ultimately I felt that it was too soon to go forward with treatments. THERE HAD TO BE ANOTHER OPTION.

Time continued to progress and I looked for natural alternatives to help me conceive. Later that year  my ob/gyn suggested that I have an HSG to see if I had an other factors that would not allow me to conceive. The HSG came back with good results and there were not any other issues that prevented me from conceiving. My ob/gyn referred me to another RE. That RE diagnosed me with ovarian cysts and polycystic ovarian syndrome (PCOS) and that opened up another dynamic in why it had been so hard for us to conceive. We decided to go ahead with a round of  Clomid in May 2011. The Clomid did not work, so we took a break to save and decided to give it another six months.

In January 2012 we tried another round of Clomid plus a HSG trigger shot and an IUI to conceive. It was unsuccessful. This was a very frustrating and trying time for me.  On one hand it felt like all those around me who weren't trying were able to conceive and I secretly struggled. I was able confide with a few friends, but for the most part I didn't talk about my struggle.

After our failed IUI in January, my husband and I decided to wait six months. And I used the time to get in better shape and work to lose weight to control my PCOS and hopefully conceive on our own with out drugs or at the very least increase our chances with the drugs.  I used this time to really seek God  and lean on my faith. I got to the point that I had prayed for a child for so long and so much, that I began to accept the fact and pray to God that if it wasn't in His will for me to have a child that I would still be happy. There was a part of me that was still hopeful because there had been occasions were I felt that God revealed to me that I would have a child in my dreams.

In May of 2012, I remember shopping and while I was in the store I got the urge to purchase something to show my faith that I would conceive soon. I ended up buying 2 picture frames ( one pink and one blue) for an ultrasound picture. In that same trip I almost purchased a pajama set that had "Kiss me I'm Pregnant" on the front. I imagined that if I purchased the pajamas that it would be the way that I would reveal my pregnancy to my husband. I ultimately decided against the pajamas, but purchased the 2 picture frames. ( I didn't know that I was already pregnant at the time!!)

 A week later I went to Target to shop for my cousin's baby shower and although I was happy for them,  a familiar feeling came over me. The feeling that I felt after every negative pregnancy test, every Mother's Day passed that I wasn't pregnant or a mother, and each time I celebrated someone else's pregnancy. Its a hard feeling to describe, but its a longing that every woman or couple that has tried to conceive can attest to feeling.
I remember that day in Target vividly. I wanted to buy the cute outfit for my baby. I wondered when it would be my turn.

Little did I know that in 4 days, I would get the surprise that would change my life. I went home not feeling well in June 2012. I figured it was the eggs that I had eaten that morning.  My cycle was over a week late, but that was not out of the norm for me. I figured that my recent weight loss triggered my monthly cycle to get out of sync again. I remember getting the strange urge to take another pregnancy test. A part of me didn't want to waste yet another test on another failed cycle, but something just told me to take it.

I took it and forgot about it. And I actually didn't remember that I left the pregnancy test in the bathroom until I had to use the restroom again. Needless to say when I saw the test I was shocked. In fact,   I almost threw it away without looking, but imagine my surprise when I saw this..

 I know the line is very faint, and hard to see. But it was there. I was scared shocked and nervous. I couldn't even call my husband who was at work. I just drove to his job with the test in hand. I was shaking the entire time. I was in utter disbelief.

Needless to say, my husband was just as shocked as I was and wanted me to take another test just to make sure that the faint line actually indicated a positive pregnancy test. ( I knew it did, but just to see it again  I obliged)

 And within seconds of taking the test this appeared..

We decided to go ahead and share the news with our parents right away. We sent them a picture of the positive pregnancy test and waited for the calls to come in. :)

I was ecstatic the entire pregnancy. It was surreal to see her first ultrasound picture. And to hear her heartbeat for the first time was the best birthday gift that I could have asked for last year. My heart fluttered when I felt her flutter around in my belly for the first time. The whole experience of being pregnant was amazing.

Although, my pregnancy was not easy, I wouldn't have had it any other way because I have my blessing from it.

Being a parent is one of the most precious gifts and tasks that God has blessed me with. I am constantly thankful and honored to have this beautiful gift. I am grateful that my prayers were answered and I couldn't have asked for anything more perfect than my baby girl. I am happy to have her as an addition to our family and her arrival was the perfect ending to a very difficult story.

Here is my testimony....

A few of my favorite pictures of her... :) 

And I hope and pray that someone is encouraged by this.